Chapter 7 Marry in Haste, Repent in Leisure
Now we must address a
serious misconception many Christian singles share; that if only I
could find the perfect mate, I’d never be lonely again. Consider
this jarring statement by Anton Chekhov, a Russian writer and
dramatist:
“If
you’re afraid of loneliness, don’t marry!”
Anton and I don’t
want to rain on your parade or get your knickers in a knot, but
marriage doesn’t guarantee happiness nor the absence of loneliness.
You’ve probably known unhappy couples who, nevertheless stay
together but live lonely lives of desperation. They can’t identify
with one another’s personalities, habits, goals, or friends so they
begin to live separate lives under the same roof.. These comments
apply mostly to the Christian who has long term loneliness coupled
with depression and unresolved emotional pain. For the Christian
single suffering short term loneliness, they may be able to quickly
adapt to a new relationship. For them, Christian dating online can
chase away the blues.
There is hope for the
unhappily married though, who use this guide to get to the roots of
both spouse’s part in their rift, outlined later.
To you, the lucky
single, not embroiled in a marital disaster, you have a great
advantage: You can find a soul mate while the unhappily married
cannot, without uprooting the families and causing sorrow and hardship
for the children.
So my point is this:
Don’t put the cart before the horse. Don’t expect marriage to
solve your problems; solve your emotional problems first and you won’t
carry negative, self-defeating baggage into a new relationship. This
involves taking an inventory of your strong qualities, those positive
attitudes and life-affirming things you say and do that endear you to
others. Build on, accentuate these and then go to work on the negative
habits and attitudes so they will never again be the obstacle, the
brick wall that previously, others may have run into head first in the
past.
Negatives can be
minimized and conquered when they are evaluated next to a very long
list of your strong assets, so let’s put them aside for the moment
and get a clear picture of your special qualities which you may have
overlooked until now, or taken for granted. You will be pleasantly
surprised!
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