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CHRISTIAN SINGLES : GUIDE TO ENDING LONELINESS AND DEPRESSION Cont.

Chapter 23 Self Sabotage; When You Shoot Yourself In The Foot!

As a child becomes inquisitive about his environment, he seems to “get into everything” and most of the things he gets into are dangerous, messy or otherwise off limits for the toddler. My granddaughter is fascinated with bathroom tissue and must unroll every roll in the household, much to the chagrin of her frazzled parents. When I see rolls of paper tracing her steps throughout the house, I must remind myself not to laugh or even regale little Erin with stories of capers her father once inflicted upon me. (That’s the downside of “Grandma’s Revenge”… I have to pretend some degree of consternation, for her parents’ sake, but inside I’m laughing along with the little rascal, enjoying her escapade and the abandon with which she papered the hallways!) Nevertheless, these experiments come with a not too happy response from her parents, and this will be repeated countless times over, as she investigates her environment and sees how far she can push her wary mother and father before their patience runs out. Probably the word she hears most is “NO” and she will have plenty of frustration, some of it even causing anger, because she doesn’t see why they are such party poopers. So anger can arrive on the scene even in the most loving family, and it may be bottled up over the years. Naturally, this anger is greatly increased in dysfunctional homes, where the child may learn early that they are not wanted, as we discussed in the chapter on shame. A tragedy is in the making, as shame, anger, lack of a loving touch, and expressions of love are rare. Unfortunately, the child might be able to overcome repressed anger if given love and an apology in time, but that rarely happens in families not accustomed to asking for forgiveness, and forgiving the child. Depression, acting out, abusing younger siblings, and later, drug addictions, failure to succeed in school or in friendships all take their toll as the child grows more angry and can’t even understand why they feel so unlovable and unworthy of claiming happiness. They just know they don’t deserve it, and they don’t question this assumption. So there is no wonder why they fail, or purposely set themselves up for failure when a good break comes their way. They feel too useless and inept to conquer any new challenge.

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