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CHRISTIAN
SINGLES
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CHRISTIAN SINGLES : GUIDE TO
ENDING LONELINESS AND DEPRESSION Cont.
Chapter 23 Self Sabotage; When You Shoot Yourself In
The Foot!
A survivor of childhood abuse is likely to practice self sabotage as
they get older, because they either see themselves as a victim or as a
willing accomplice in an act that makes them feel dirty and unworthy of
respect and love. But God can take away irrational guilt, and remind the
person that they are no longer a victim, but, in Christ, they are “more
than a conqueror” due to their new role as co-heirs with Christ in all
He has. It is important that we dump the label “victim” when
referring to ourselves, and train our minds to see our great potential.
Say, “I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me” over
and over, until it is etched upon your mind and heart. It will become a
self-fulfilling prophecy! Be very careful of the words you speak over
yourself and your family, as they can either strengthen you, or weaken
you. Always speak positive affirmations upon yourself and others.
Remember, THE POWER OVER LIFE AND DEATH IS IN THE TONGUE! Be an
encourager, both to yourself and others, and you will see many good
things come your way. Now let’s look at the role self sabotage plays
in other aspects of our lives.
Self-sabotage and Your Money
And what about those of us who cannot use our money wisely? Spending
sprees, gambling, (probably not a problem with Christian singles!)
impulse buying, and never being able to say “no” to children or
ourselves can put us far in debt. It seems that when we are trying to
pay off bills, something “important” always comes up, an unexpected
gift must be bought for someone, or we can’t pass up a sale, or we go
crazy and give the family everything they want for Christmas, hoping we
can pay off the credit cards later on. For this type of self sabotage,
there may be help available through a money manager, who will counsel
you, and help you build a plan to get everything paid off. Churches and
other Christian organizations provide such help, and you could ask
around or check out the search engines for free advice on getting out of
debt. If you are facing a mountain of bills now, please get help, and
also enlist your family and friend’s help. If they will give you a set
amount of time without asking for anything new, even if you have to skip
exchanging presents at Christmas, by following a budget you can get out
of debt. You will be surprised that there are many ways to buy things
for less. You may be able to get a part time job for a few months and
use that income to pay off bills. But ask yourself, “Why am I afraid
to ask friends and family if I can be excused from exchanging gifts?”
Is it fear that they will reject you or that they will DIE if you don’t
give them anything? Trust me, they will survive! When you analyze why
you spend more than you can afford to, you will find root causes
underneath it all. Maybe it’s because your family was poor and you
were denied a lot growing up, and now you’re comforting your “inner
child” by providing all the goodies you missed. However, at some point
we have to see that we are an advertiser’s dream, a country sold on
immediate gratification. We can easily fall for advertiser’s ploys;
believing that we’re not living until we have the latest car, gadget,
or clothes. All messages are aimed at our image of ourselves, and we
just have to see through it and resist. If you have a family you can sit
down together and explain that there isn’t enough money for extras
now. Ask each of them how money could be saved. Perhaps children really
don’t need new toys or video games, and you have been fooling yourself
into believing they can’t be happy without them. Children like to feel
that they can contribute, and their money saving ideas may surprise you.
Sabotaging yourself by spending more than you earn sets you up for lack
in the future. A budget can allow for some savings, which will draw
interest over time, and give you security. Living paycheck to paycheck
is sure to build fear, knowing there is nothing to fall back on, should
a real emergency arrive. And you know the trouble fear causes!
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