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CHRISTIAN
SINGLES
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CHRISTIAN SINGLES : GUIDE TO
ENDING LONELINESS AND DEPRESSION Cont.
Chapter 22. Three Dangerous Words And What They Have
To Do With The Runaway Bride!
The Toxic Shame Sufferer
He will have few if any, good friends, but may attract kids or young
adults who are troubled too. It will be hard to give him guidance in
self-improvement because the most carefully worded advice will sound
like criticism to him, and he will assume you are attacking him. New
activities, such as sports will make him fear failure or ridicule from
others, and he will give up before he has given the activity a chance.
Like a depressed person (which he probably is, at this point) he will
likely not care about keeping himself clean, well groomed or in good
shape, fit. You will have to force him to get medical and dental care,
because he will not feel he is worth the bother. Likely, he will not
want to see a counselor, but if you can convince or even bribe him to
go, this could help him see that his self-rejection is based on faulty
or non-existent proof, and he can begin to learn how to accept and even
love himself, for the first time.
The toxic shame sufferer will try not to draw attention to himself,
and often will not make eye contact. However, victims gradually seem to
find another persona to present to the world, a mask to conceal their
PERCEIVED unworthiness, pretending to be confident and secure in public,
and this works to some extent to hide the shame inside.
This is, by no means, a complete picture of the damage toxic shame
does to victims, but you, Christian single, are at least aware now, of
the damage excessive, unwarranted
shame causes, and you can look into your own hearts to see if any
shame lingers there, because it is wholly unnecessary, unproductive, and
unscriptural. If you find it, don’t be too surprised because it is
very common, but take charge, take authority right now, and renounce it
in the name of Jesus. Ask Him to renew your mind, and help you identify
new threats to your self-image and self-respect as they come your way.
Of course, if this shame has not been brought to the Lord, repent of any
sin associated with it and ask for forgiveness too.
In later chapters, I will explain in depth a wonderful way to heal
your mind by healing your memories, plus other techniques to strengthen
your mind and the way you see yourself. If your church has a program for
any of the emotional problems like depression, low self-esteem, envy or
shame, I encourage you to attend. They may even have a 12 step program.
As I mentioned before, this tried and true Alcoholics Anonymous program
is being used to overcome much more than addictions now.
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