Search Millions of Christian Women's and Men's Personals Local or World Wide
INTERNATIONAL  CHRISTIAN  DATING

CHRISTIAN SINGLES : GUIDE TO ENDING LONELINESS AND DEPRESSION Cont.

Chapter 22. Three Dangerous Words And What They Have To Do With The Runaway Bride!

Symptoms Of Toxic Shame

There is a core belief in the victim of toxic shame that he (or she) is hopelessly flawed; defective, disgusting, unlovable, unable to reverse all the negatives in their lives. Added to that, they may see themselves as living examples of the names they were called when they were young (and therefore were unable to stand up for themselves or reject those labels.) Names like liar, thief, stupid, worthless, lazy, useless, clumsy, ugly, a burden on parents, or an unwanted baby, illegitimate, a loser. Remember, when a young child hears these names, shouted by an out-of-control parent or caregiver, they are fixed in their minds, because an angry adult terrorizes a child. It is something that would be hard even for an adult to forget.

If the mother or father does not spend time making an infant feel welcome, loved and cared for, his basic needs met in a timely manner, he will feel it, even though he cannot verbalize it. As the child grows, he notices if his mother or caregiver ignores him instead of allowing him to join in and be with the family. Christian singles often have the chance to interact with children before marriage, and this is an excellent opportunity to practice your nurturing skills, as you tend younger siblings or babysit. So it is worth your time to read through these symptoms and defective parenting so your own children will never fall victim to toxic shame.

The child’s speech takes a few years to develop fully, and patience is needed, to listen to the child’s conversation, without interrupting, ridiculing, or demonstrating in any way that he is not worth listening to, that his thoughts or needs have no importance. If a stronger sibling or neighbor hurts or humiliates him, the caregiver should stand up for him to show that his feelings are important. As he grows stronger and understands how to get along with other kids, he can learn how to deal with aggressive playmates, but a small child cannot defend himself.

To continue Christian singles guide Click Here